


Among All Battles

by solgyu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, M/M, falling out love, includes kissing but nothing heated, might have cried about how I adore Soobin as a leader, soogyu if you squint much more because i love them just as much, taegyu if you squint because i root for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23326693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solgyu/pseuds/solgyu
Summary: “Soobin once said to me that among all battles, who and what your heart yearns for are the hardest to fight,” Yeonjun mumbled, lips were leveled with Beomgyu's.He remembered how Soobin told him that when Yeonjun admitted to him that he was falling in love with Beomgyu way too quickly.“So when someone is falling out of love, you should've loved that someone enough to let them go.”
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	Among All Battles

**Author's Note:**

> Falling out of Love fic no one asked for which is heavily inspired by BTS and Lauv's Who godddaaaamnit. This is a product of one too many sweets, sad edits, fear, word spit, and quarantine.
> 
> Dedicated to the one and only Jaz ♡ Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people in the bird app. Hope you like this one :) my message will follow. 
> 
> And alsooo Riz's edit. I hate you.
> 
> And alsooo thank you to Shawnie for proofreading ⅖ of this fic haha.

_ Outlines of your eyes and visions of you _

_ Boy, I think I need a minute _

_ To figure out what is, what isn't _

  
  
  


“Beomgyu, you're doing it wrong.”

  
  
  


“I know.”

  
  
  


With the use of his slightly calloused fingertips, he roughly tugged his hair in hopes of pulling the frustration out of him. But it stayed; it always does, no matter how hard he tries.

  
  
  


“I know,” he repeated, clenching at his shirt right above his chest when Yeonjun purposely avoided his gaze through the reflection like he didn’t care… like Beomgyu didn’t matter to him.

  
  
  


Beomgyu ended up questioning himself once again at that very moment.  _ What did I do?  _ Because maybe he did something wrong that he's not aware of and the other didn’t like it or maybe Yeonjun's just avoiding him for whatever reason there is which he doesn't understand.

  
  
  


Maybe it's more of the latter, at least Beomgyu thought so. Yeonjun has been treating him differently these days that he doesn't understand if he's being wanted or being pushed away.

  
  
  


Beomgyu has no idea.

  
  
  


These thoughts gnawed his insides, slowly and painfully. It kept him up all night for days that he’s gotten used to it. Beomgyu got used to lie in his bed and think of nothing and no one except for Yeonjun. His mind was completely taken over by him and no one else, starting from how the moon shone throughout, until it’s been replaced by the sun itself. 

  
  
  


It hurts him, so much, when the boy who usually holds him tight whenever Beomgyu feels like falling and giving up won't come around anymore.

  
  
  


It just changed, without him knowing. It’s like he went to sleep safe and sound and woke up to everything out of his grasp. No hand to hold his. No arms to keep him up. No safe haven. Nothing related to him anymore. No Yeonjun. 

  
  
  


And it all had to happen when Beomgyu felt too attached.

  
  
  


“Let's take a break,” Soobin announced to his co-members when he realized that they were making no progress with how one boy was acting up. He then attended to Beomgyu, like what an upcoming leader would do, giving the boy some soothing circles on his back when he got to kneel beside him. “Breathe, Gyu, breathe,” he wearily said, still trying to find what would calm Beomgyu down.

  
  
  


“It's hard,” he commented as he saw his reflection; dark baggy eyes, pale skin, teary eyes. One word: weak. Everything about him was etched with weakness, his heart taking the first place right before his very eyes as it clenched much more. “It's so fucking hard, hyung.”

  
  
  


Beomgyu looked up to see if Yeonjun stayed inside the practice room. And he didn't. He left. So it caused another pang to his chest.

  
  
  


“What's wrong with him?” Taehyun asked when he moved to his feet, crouching next to Beomgyu and held his hand right in his. It was something they got used to do and Beomgyu was just too grateful when the boy did so because he needed it the most. “Yeonjun hyung can't act like this, not when we're about to debut.”

  
  
  


His voice was a little tainted with annoyance, along with an arched eyebrow, and Beomgyu wouldn’t wonder why. Taehyun has always been the member with a lot of sense in him. He was the bluntest member, something all of them adored about him.

  
  
  


And the mere fact that Taehyun and Beomgyu grew up and grew closer for all the years they trained and studied together has also added to how Taehyun’s reacting to this, so it's no surprise.

  
  
  


“Have you asked him?” HueningKai asked, giving Taehyun a water bottle for the boy himself but he actually opened it for Beomgyu to drink. The other boy needed it more, Taehyun thinks, as he was always considerate for everyone, especially at that moment.

  
  
  


“I can't find a way to ask him, he keeps avoiding me.”

  
  
  


Beomgyu's gaze shifted to his shoelaces when he couldn’t bring himself to hold eye contact for more than five seconds. He didn’t want the other members to see how his eyes held so much pain in them. He was hurting, but he didn’t want to drag them along.

  
  
  


They were five in the group and is about to debut. Causing ruckus right before that happens is the last thing Beomgyu wanted to do. He didn't want to mess that up and include everyone to whatever was wrong between him and Yeonjun because he knew deep within his heart that they dreamt for this, that they had placed their bets on their lifeline just to live up to their dream of debuting.

  
  
  


But then his fingertips reached out to it, remembering almost too quickly about the memory of how Yeonjun would usually tie those for him whenever Beomgyu practices too hard that it unties itself.

  
  
  


_ “I wouldn't want you to trip and hurt yourself,” Yeonjun smiled that day. The lovely kind of smile he always showed to anyone. But to Beomgyu it was lovelier than the word lovely itself. Because he knows there's something more. _

  
  
  


_ Yeonjun's smile held so much more for him. There's more heart to it. Yeonjun means so much more. _

  
  
  


“Funny,” he mumbled under his ragged breathing. Both tired from practicing and from running after Yeonjun. “Now you're hurting me,” he added, as if Yeonjun can hear him, but his fellow members were the only one to hear so.

  
  
  


_ These choices and voices, they're all in my head _

_ Sometimes you make me feel crazy _

_ Sometimes, I swear I think you hate me like _

  
  
  


“Yeonjun…”

  
  
  


“No hyung for me?” Yeonjun let his lips curve to a smile as he let a finger run down on Beomgyu's jaw, tracing how sharp and prominent it was, letting it rest on his chin so he can tilt Beomgyu’s head whenever he craves for the boy’s attention, to match the contact he offers, and to see the way the boy looks at him.

  
  
  


It was one of those days where Yeonjun was more clingy than usual. Well at least for the other members, they call it clingy, but to Beomgyu, it's just Yeonjun being domestic and attached…maybe. Beomgyu’s unsure of what Yeonjun shows lately.

  
  
  


And maybe this was one of those days where Yeonjun wanted Beomgyu so much.

  
  
  


The tip of Yeonjun's nose touched the area right beside Beomgyu's ear; his lips were softly grazed against the boy’s cheek. It's what the older usually does whenever he fails to say that he misses Beomgyu. He'd come close without saying a word. He'd just hold Beomgyu, press any part of his face onto the other's, breathing him in, every part of him ‘til he misses him no more.

  
  
  


But it felt unreal this time. Like Yeonjun does the same thing, but something felt lacking, like there’s a missing puzzle piece.

  
  
  


“You were okay with me not calling you hyung because you said we're more…” Beomgyu whispered when he moved away, locking eyes with Yeonjun in the way the latter loved it. Matching eye level, eye to eye, watching how their orbs reflect each other at the very clear sight, and then watching how radiant it was for each other as well.

  
  
  


But Yeonjun’s eyes weren't as radiant as it was before, Beomgyu spoke in his head. The same beam was there, still visible, but not the familiar feeling it gave whenever Yeonjun would simply look at him.

  
  
  


“We are…”  _ it slowly felt like we aren't anymore.  _ “Still…”  _ why does it feel like you’re lying? _

  
  
  


“If you say so…” Beomgyu faked a smile as he held Yeonjun’s face in his hands as if it’s his last; last time to hold him like this, to feel his touch, to see him up close, to have Yeonjun himself.

  
  
  


Beomgyu wondered why it felt like there was a sudden change of plan. And although he wanted to talk about it, fear would come in first, letting him swallow back the words. In fact, he tried one too many times to ask Yeonjun if there’s anything wrong, but each and every time he did, Yeonjun would say that there’s none.

  
  
  


There is, he tells himself all the time. No matter how many times Yeonjun would deny it, Beomgyu knew from his very being that there is a problem which Yeonjun would not spill to him.

  
  
  


It honestly drove him crazy. All the time.

  
  
  


Because if he was sure that things weren’t a mirage, Yeonjun was avoiding him with his entirety the other day. But look at them now, both attached to the hip. 

  
  
  


Yeonjun’s lips were leaving feathery kisses on Beomgyu’s cheekbone, hand guiding the other's head. Then lower it goes, ‘til it reaches the corner of Beomgyu’s lips.

  
  
  


“Yeonjun…” Beomgyu called for him once again because it just won’t sit right in his heart. He opened his eyes to make contact.

  
  
  


He's numb at this point because he kept seeing how icy Yeonjun's eyes are now, but it's his favorite part of him, so he let that be.

  
  
  


“We're okay…” Yeonjun convinced Beomgyu as much as he convinced himself, the tip of their noses were against each other. “We're okay, Gyu.”

  
  
  


So Beomgyu lets it be.

  
  
  


He kissed back when Yeonjun kissed him full, tasting how minty the latter's lips were because of the mint chocolate ice cream they shared moments ago before they got too close.

  
  
  


Plumpy, Beomgyu thinks as if it's the last. It's red, always red. It's smooth against his, contrary to the way it moved because Yeonjun liked control.

  
  
  


If Yeonjun wants him at that very moment, then he'll let him be. Who knows when he'll be wanted by the guy he wants all the time. 

  
  
  


_ I need a walk, I need a walk, I need to get out of here _

_ 'Cause I need to know _

  
  


Beomgyu did a little stretching as he waited for Soobin to arrive at their dorm’s entrance. It’s 15 minutes past the hour of six in the morning, and there’s no better time to be out other than that.

  
  
  


It was one of those days where Soobin and Beomgyu have their own schedule–a walk in the park, jog around, or simply catching up with whatever there is to catch up with although they’ve been living with each other for so long.

  
  
  


Beomgyu was in his track pants and a plain white shirt with no mask at all. He had a baseball cap with him though, not to cover his eyes but to use it to shield half of his face from the sunrays. 

  
  
  


It really didn’t bother him if anyone sees him like that. Big Hit Entertainment have assured them that they will debut by the group name of Tomorrow x Together, but have not introduced them to the public just yet so apparently, they’re still free. No one would recognize their faces just yet; no one knows their name as well.

  
  
  


“Were you waiting for so long?” asked Soobin—their potential and could be the actual leader of their group once they debut. He looked like he had just gotten out of the bathroom with his new clothes on and hairline a little damp from doing his morning routine right after waking up.

  
  
  


“Nope,” answered Beomgyu as he craned his neck from the left and to the right for a second or two. “Let's go?”

  
  
  


“Alright,” said Soobin, giving the boy a small pat on his back before they started to jog towards the park where they usually end their morning exercise.

  
  
  


Beomgyu started to find things he can do during the meantime. He wanted to keep himself busy to avoid his head being clouded with the same person every day. It honestly drained him each and every time that he loses any productivity in his body as he just wanted to lay down and think about it although it won't ring a bell in him.

  
  
  


The only thing that kept him going was the excitement that bubbled in his chest at the thought of debuting. His members were one of the reasons too because he loves them just as much. It just happened that Yeonjun occupied a big part of his heart that Beomgyu’s torn between being excited and apathetic.

  
  
  


The view of the outside world somehow calmed him down. Variety of flowers and plants made everything colorful in his eyes that those were able to give him solace, like a flower just bloomed in his heart at the wondrous feeling he felt at that time.

  
  
  


He just needed a way to breathe or find something that can make him feel like he’s living although he was hurting.

  
  
  


Until he and Soobin got tired from the morning exercise that they took a break in the park.

  
  
  


Soobin was taking his time to capture how beautiful his surroundings are. Everything in his eyes just brightened up his day, he was that appreciative. And he deeply hoped that it did the same thing to Beomgyu as he knew what the boy was going through.

  
  
  


Beomgyu was the sunshine of the group, and everyone who knew the boy apart from them would notice how he just doesn't smile that much anymore. Or even if he did, his smile doesn't hold the same ray it gives off anymore. It was less contagious, less beaming, and less truthful.

  
  
  


Soobin moved to his feet and joined Beomgyu in appreciating the view. He sat next to him on the bench, offering his small jug to the younger.

  
  
  


“Thank you,” Beomgyu smiled, accepting it. Said boy wasn’t that tired, but his chest rose and fell like he was.

  
  
  


Silence was never a problem between them two. They always find it comforting, completely engulfing their bodies with it. They always found a way to understand one another without speaking a word, and that's what Soobin was doing right now.

  
  
  


He was Choi Soobin, the introvert of their group, but he knew when and well how to voice out the words he needed to say to someone who needed to listen. Thoughts are all rational, nothing impulsive, just pure consideration–which is why everyone appointed and wanted him to be the leader.

  
  
  


“I'm not mad or anything…” he began; taking Beomgyu's hand is his. He gave it a light squeeze just to assure the boy that Soobin was in fact—not mad, that he can never go mad when it comes to him. Soobin was the most patient person Beomgyu met after all. “…but I did tell you two not to let it get this far,” he added.

  
  
  


It was true. Right before Yeonjun and Beomgyu tried to pursue each other, Soobin reminded them not to let things go far. He's mentioned how there's always a possibility that it might affect their group. That it's not just about them two, because there are five of them in it… that their dreams are on the line for this.

  
  
  


Beomgyu wryly smiled before putting his head on Soobin's shoulder. He sighed to himself which Soobin heard, making the latter lift his hand to caress the back of the boy's head with all gentleness he could muster. He carefully tugged the ends of Beomgyu’s hair on his nape, something that became a habit of him.

  
  
  


Soobin knew that he is the leader, but he never put himself or let anyone put him on a pedestal. He is the leader, but still sees himself as the same friend or brother to everyone around him. 

  
  
  


“I’m sorry…” Beomgyu breathed out, eyes were still closed. He fought the urge the open them because tears might spill once he does, and he didn’t want that. He was weak as he already was and he just wanted to be strong. He needed to be strong for once. 

  
  
  


“It’s okay, Gyu,” Soobin smiled as he continued to make Beomgyu feel at ease with him. “Among all battles, who and what your heart yearns for are the hardest to fight.” 

  
  
  


Beomgyu nodded with his head still on Soobin’s shoulder.

  
  
  


They stayed like that for a couple of minutes. At some point, Soobin had to hold both of Beomgyu’s hands with his spare one, letting the boy know that if someone would let go of him, someone else would be willing to hold him, tighter this time.

  
  
  


“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Soobin, his head was leaning against Beomgyu’s head now.

  
  
  


And once again, Beomgyu shook his head no.

  
  
  


“There’s no need to, hyung…” he muttered, playing with Soobin’s fingers. “I don’t think Yeonjun hyung and I will go any further.”

  
  
  


Soobin was confused so he sat right up. “What do you mean?” he asked with all curiosity laced in his voice.

  
  
  


Beomgyu sat right up as well. And with eyes full of love, pain, and adoration, he answered, “Yeonjun hyung is falling out of love with me.” 

  
  
  


_ Feeling hypnotized by the words that you said _

_ Don't lie to me, just get in my head _

_ When the morning comes, you're still in my bed _

_ But it's so, so cold _

  
  
  


The sky roared loudly. The thunderstorm rang against Beomgyu’s ears and the lightning made a quick flash inside the four walls of the room he was in with Yeonjun who was sound asleep next to him.

  
  
  


It was counted to one of the days Yeonjun wants him again. 

  
  
  


Actually, Yeonjun was back at it again to ignoring him all throughout the day. But once the night fell and the sky started to cry madly, Beomgyu asked the rest of the members if they could spend the night together in one room so Yeonjun could stay with him  _ for one last time. _

  
  
  


Beomgyu knew that Yeonjun had troubles of falling asleep whenever there’s a storm raging in. He remembered how Yeonjun would shake and force to close his eyes and drift to sleep, or when the boy would use his phone’s flash to walk down the dark hallway towards Beomgyu’s room and ask if he could sleep next to him.

  
  
  


With Beomgyu next to him, Yeonjun felt safe. No matter how loud the thunderstorms would be or how the lightning made streaks across the sky, Yeonjun would somehow find his warmth and solace in Beomgyu’s arms.

  
  
  


Cheeks flushed against a pillow, forehead pressed against Beomgyu’s chest, arms wrapped tightly around the boy’s torso–Beomgyu is where Yeonjun belongs. The boy has a smaller physique than Yeonjun, he was shorter than him, but still, they fit. They fit in ways the world can’t tell them no.

  
  
  


“It’s either you’re not in love with me anymore or you’re in the process of falling out of love with me.”

  
  
  


Beomgyu felt brave this time to pour his heart out because Yeonjun had his eyes closed after all. He can tell him the words he has been longing to say, the words that got stuck inside his throat because Yeonjun just won’t listen to him whenever he attempted to.

  
  
  


He placed a lone finger on the bridge of Yeonjun’s nose, sliding it down as he traced how pointed it was, and then placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

  
  
  


“I’m not going to force you to fall in love with me again,” his heart stung as his own words. “Didn’t I tell you that I’m fine with whatever your heart wants when it comes to me?” he asked lowly, taking Yeonjun’s hand in his. “If it does not want me anymore, then I’m going to be fine with it.”

  
  
  


Yeonjun shifted from his sleep. His mouth went slightly agape, letting out a small snore which Beomgyu adored and smiled to as he propped his elbows to watch the boy next to him.

  
  
  


Carefully, he ran his thumb across each knuckle, lightly placing small kisses on each. He then noticed how one of Yeonjun’s knuckles had a scar on it that he probably got from dancing too hard, making the boy place a lingering kiss on that one in hopes of making it heal fast.

  
  
  


After one light squeeze, Beomgyu slowly opened Yeonjun’s hand and let the latter’s palm lay flat against his. He compared them like what they always do, quite amazed at how Yeonjun’s palm stayed soft after years of hard work. He then shifted his hand a little, sluggishly slotting his fingers along the gaps of Yeonjun’s hand, entwining both to see how they fit perfectly and at the same time they don’t.

  
  
  


Beomgyu pulled their interlaced fingers against his chest, making the other feel how his heart beats wildly for him and only him. He placed a hankering kiss on top of their clasped hands before he placed his chin on top of both.

  
  
  


“What did I ever do for you to fall out of love with me?” Beomgyu asked, not being able to fight the tears anymore. He tried to, but he was not that strong. “Am I not enough for you stay in love with me?” he added.

  
  
  


Beomgyu seemed out of his head when his breath hitched in his throat. He let his forehead lie against their hands making his tears fall directly on them, beads seething in on the gaps. He stayed as silent as he can so he won’t wake the other, his emotions taking over his entirety.

  
  
  


He cried until he got tired, cried to his heart’s content, cried over the boy who promised not to make him cry. 

  
  
  


A few sniffles were done as he tried to embark the memories of Yeonjun next to him for one last time.

  
  
  


“I know you might not be in love with me anymore, but I am still…” he whispered close to Yeonjun. “Because up to this day, I can’t see me loving someone else…”

  
  
  


A small snore escaped Yeonjun’s mouth again as he shifted, causing Beomgyu to inch closer to his face. He captured the said boy’s lips into his into one deep and thorough kiss, pouring all love and devotion in it, making a few tears drop to Yeonjun’s cheek.

  
  
  


When he moved away and saw the tears he made himself, Beomgyu swiped his thumb across the cheek of the one who he lost his heart to.

  
  
  


“I only see myself as the boy who will always be in love with you.” Then he moved the hair on Yeonjun’s forehead and gave it a kiss, eventually pressing his forehead against it. “Always…”

  
  
  


_ Who are you? _

_ 'Cause you're not the boy I fell in love with, baby _

_ Who are you? (Who are you?) _

_ 'Cause something has changed, you're not the same, I hate it _

  
  
  


“There he is.”

  
  
  


Beomgyu was surprised to see some other trainees looking at him. His forehead creased as he wondered until someone went by his side and gave him a round of applause which made everything much more confusing than it already was.

  
  
  


“What’s happening?” he asked the trainee whose face wasn’t familiar to him. Maybe he’s one of the new trainees Big Hit got because five of them were about to make their debut.

  
  
  


“You’re first on the list again, Beomgyu hyung,” the boy enthusiastically answered, still giving him more applauses before turning his head towards the white board where almost everyone was crowding around. “Big Hit’s number one trainee.”

  
  
  


Beomgyu laughed and tapped the boy’s shoulder. “You should replace my name once I debut,” he kidded as he grinned towards the boy.

  
  
  


The boy snapped his fingers and looked up to Beomgyu. He was obviously younger and smaller in frame as well. “Exactly, hyung. I will wipe all of them off,” he extended his arm and signaled everyone inside the room as he smiled.

  
  
  


“I’ll look forward to that,” Beomgyu smiled, bidding his goodbye to the boy who talked to him out of nowhere and went where the board was.

  
  
  


The other trainees made way to Beomgyu as he looked for his name. He humbly smiled to see his name take the first place, shyly thanking everyone who congratulated him for the hard work and effort he exert to get the position he was in now.

  
  
  


When Beomgyu was barely beginning, he was out of the top ten. Then during his earlier years, he somehow found a way to slowly climb the first ten names on the list.

  
  
  


It was difficult to do so by himself with no hand to lend him, and then came along Yeonjun.

  
  
  


It was Yeonjun who occupied the first place most of the time. Also Yeonjun who became his helping hand. Same boy named Yeonjun who stayed by his side and guided him until they developed themselves into greater trainees. Said boy named Yeonjun who set store in his heart.

  
  
  


“What happened to Yeonjun? Wasn’t he the best trainee before?”

  
  
  


A group of trainees behind Beomgyu mockingly laughed to themselves causing Beomgyu himself to turn back and send glares over their group. 

  
  
  


“Aren’t you all supposed to call him hyung?” he asked as he crossed his arms. The boys looked younger than him by a year two. His forehead creased at the way the other trainees made fun of someone’s position on the list, especially that it’s Yeonjun’s name that they were making fun of. “Where are your names in this list, then?” he asked as he stepped closer. “Aren’t you supposed to be training?” Beomgyu prodded.

  
  
  


Those boys kept mum and looked down on the floor when Beomgyu asked them that. He didn't mean to be rude nor scare them, but the words that came off of their mouths weren't right. And then his eyes scanned over the same shirt they all were wearing which Beomgyu rolled his eyes to.

  
  
  


“Crossovers…” he whispered to himself when he took notice that the boys were only sent over by another company, because if there’s anything that Big Hit treasures the most when it comes to their trainees, it has to be their down to Earth personality. “Go and do something else to do instead of mocking someone.”

  
  
  


His eyes followed these three boys as they made their way out of the practice room. Beomgyu heaved a deep sigh before noticing that Yeonjun was behind the boys who mocked him, making his heart swell at the thought that Yeonjun might have heard them. 

  
  
  


Yeonjun’s eyes were glossy as he looked over the list, causing Beomgyu to look back at the list as well. 

  
  
  


  1. Choi Beomgyu
  2. Choi Yeonjun



  
  
  


It's been like that for months now.

  
  
  


He immediately twisted his body and made eye contact with Yeonjun. 

  
  
  


Then it rang a bell.

  
  
  


The latter’s eyes were glistening and a little shaky to which made Beomgyu walk up to him. But before he took another step towards Yeonjun, said boy turned on his back to Beomgyu and walked away from him.

  
  
  


Beomgyu’s instinct was to run after the boy like he usually does whenever they argue over something. He followed Yeonjun upstairs until both of them reached the rooftop leaving Yeonjun with nowhere else to go to.

  
  
  


“Is this the reason why you’re treating me like this?”

  
  
  


Yeonjun felt like the limelight was on him. He didn’t want it to be, he fought hard to avoid it from being on him, but it’s inevitable as it is. He knew he couldn't keep this from Beomgyu for so long.

  
  
  


But he stayed mum, not wanting to break the boy any further. 

  
  
  


“Don’t you see me as your equal, Yeonjun?”

  
  
  


Said boy didn’t budge from where he was standing so Beomgyu took the liberty to walk closer and stand in front of Yeonjun. It’s been so long since they’ve been eye to eye without concealing what they truly feel. 

  
  
  


Both eyes mirrored the same thing. If Beomgyu was hurting, then Yeonjun was hurting as well. Hurting less, but still hurting.

  
  
  


“Is this a competition to you?” Beomgyu asked.

  
  
  


All along Beomgyu thought he was done crying. But then no one will ever be ready once it’s fear that stands by them. The phase and the love they once had was slowly slipping from their fingertips and there was nothing they could do about it. 

  
  
  


When Beomgyu says yes, Yeonjun says no. When Beomgyu holds on, Yeonjun lets go.

  
  
  


The younger pushed Yeonjun by his chest. He jabbed him once again as he cried, heart constricting when the other remained silent. 

  
  
  


“I don’t look at you that way, Yeonjun. I’ve always looked up to you,” his voice was dripping with so much love and hate at the same time. “You guided me all these years, but have I ever made you feel that this is all a competition to me?” he asked heavily.

  
  
  


And still, Yeonjun chose to remain silent to refrain himself from hurting Beomgyu much more. Because as much as he did not want to admit it, he was once so in love with Beomgyu as much as he was loved by the boy. 

  
  
  


But due to fortuitous events, selfishness, and selflessness, Yeonjun fell out of love.

  
  
  


“Did I fail to make you feel that I truly loved you?” Beomgyu asked some more. 

  
  
  


Whose heart would be at ease when they don't know the reason behind someone who loves them to the ends of the world just doesn't love them anymore? Of course no one would.

  
  
  


“I-It's not your fault I fell out of love…” Yeonjun's voice came out unsteady than expected. He was on the verge of breaking like Beomgyu was, but he needed to be the stronger one between them two.

  
  
  


“It seems like it,” the boy cried, his tear-stained cheeks were red from the harshness Beomgyu did to wipe away his tears. “Do I not deserve you?”

  
  
  


Yeonjun cupped Beomgyu's small face in his hands. He wiped away the boy's tears with all tenderness and answered with a much more quivering and breathy voice. “Baby, you do. You always do.”

  
  
  


Beomgyu placed his hands on top of Yeonjun's hands, looking up with puffy doe eyes. “Then what is this? Why did you see me as a competition? Why did you fall out of love? You don't think I deserve you, do you?”

  
  
  


“I am sorry for being selfish, Gyu,” Yeonjun began as he held the fragile boy in his hands, trying so hard to make and keep him whole. “It's me who doesn't deserve you. We can't be each other's equal if I think that way, can we?”

  
  
  


_ Oh, I'm sick of waiting for love, love _

_ Oh, I know that you're not the one, one _

  
  
  


“Soobin once said to me that among all battles, who and what your heart yearns for are the hardest to fight,” Yeonjun mumbled, lips were leveled with Beomgyu's.

He remembered how Soobin told him that when Yeonjun admitted to him that he was falling in love with Beomgyu way too quickly.

“So when someone is falling out of love, you should've loved that someone enough to let them go.”

Yeonjun placed one last kiss on Beomgyu's forehead before moving away as he heard the door to the rooftop open, then Soobin, Taehyun, and HueningKai's voices were heard.

“You loved me enough, Gyu. You can now let me go.”

**Author's Note:**

> twt: gyuinara  
> cc: crownsfortxt
> 
> I know it feels like there's something missing, and that there are plot holes, but I'd like to keep it this way :)
> 
> if you reached this far, thank you and i love love love you!


End file.
